Just Keep Breathing
by escritoria
Summary: "That's all I need to be happy, knowing you're alive somewhere in the world..." When Feliciana gets hit by a car and falls into a coma, Ludwig finally finds the courage to say all the words he could never say. But is it too late for her to ever hear them?


**AN: This fic was written on request for my best Hetalia buddy, who's a die-hard GerIta fan. She asked for me to make Italy sick, and then my inner angst monster kinda took that to the extreme xD It's sorta AU I guess, because Italy's really in danger of dying here. I was also inspired by _What the Mind Forgets_ by VioletzeEcoFreak (which you should totally check out, it's amazing). Well, on to the fic!**

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><p><em>How could I have let this happen?<em>

Ludwig couldn't stop thinking it. The stark sterile walls of the hospital room were closing in on him. _My fault. My. Fault. How could I have let this happen?_

Feli's hand in his was cold, and her fingers were loose and limp. She couldn't feel him touching her. Since yesterday she'd been in a coma, battling in the confines of her mind against nothingness.

_Gott, no… Feli… You can't die…_

He'd been so stupid. But neither of them had seen it coming, the car that had hit her and then driven on, leaving her there to bleed on the pavement. That sight had almost crippled him, the sight of her lying there, so silent and broken and still. The life had been gone from her, and it had made her seem so small, so…dead.

Her broken bones were in casts now and her bleeding was stopped, but the true injury was inside her mind, and it was one that would not heal so easily. In fact, there was no guarantee it would heal at all.

"Feli," he whispered. He hated himself for letting her get so close to the street, close enough to be hit. He hated himself for not watching out for her like he should. He hated himself for being so cold and demanding of her, for trying to make her something she wasn't, while he had time left to spend with her. He'd meant well in doing so, but trying to change her wasn't just a mistake—it was a crime. She was perfect the way she was—scatterbrained silliness and all.

But most of all, he hated himself for never finding the courage to say all the words he held unuttered, all the confessions of love he had composed for the perfect moment he could never seem to find. All the words he'd never managed to say clogged his throat now. What if she never woke up? What if she never heard them?

"Feli… You've got to wake up," he begged. "Just wake up, okay? Don't go. Lovino will be so upset… And Kiku… You've got so much here to live for. Fight it. Fight, Feli, you hear me? You'd better be listening!"

Tears stung his eyes. "If you don't wake up, how am I supposed to tell you I love you? Do you even know how much sleep I lost thinking about you? How much time I wasted daydreaming about you? You can't die. You can't leave me! You don't even have to do anything, you just have to open your eyes. Just keep breathing. Just keep existing, okay? That's all I want. That's all I need to be happy, knowing you're alive somewhere in the world. I know I treat you badly sometimes, but you were the first friend I ever had. You can leave if you want—I wouldn't blame you. It's my fault you're like this. But you don't even need to be with me, I just need to know that somewhere in the world, you're smiling…"

_That's all I need to be happy… Just knowing she's breathing, and laughing, and smiling, somewhere warm and sunny… Somewhere where she can be happy… Even if that's not with me._

That hurt his heart so much to think, but it hurt even worse to think that those lovely golden eyes of hers would never again see the light of day, or fill once more with the light that gave him a reason to go on living.

He was choking now, on the tears he was fighting and the words that were finally coming out. "Just live… I love you so much, Feliciana Vargas. I don't want to be in a world where you don't exist. I never thought the world was beautiful until I met you and you showed me how to love living," he told her, stroking her silken copper hair. "I don't want to go back to thinking the world is only cruel and gray and ugly. I want your colors and sunshine. You made my world that way, and without you it will be just as ugly as before. That world's not worth living in. I _need_ you, Feli. I need you to live."

Shaking with tears and emotion, he pressed her cold fingers to his lips. "Live," he begged.

The monitor recording her brain function remained mercilessly unchanged.

"Live," he whispered. "I love you. Isn't that enough reason to come back? Because there's someone in this world who loves you more than life?"

Her eyelids twitched.

Ludwig sat bolt upright. She was waking up! _Just keep talking so she can hear you and come back_, he ordered himself. He stammered out more of all his pent-up words of love. "You're so beautiful and talented and caring. I don't know how you manage to love everyone, even jerks like me and your brother. But I'm so glad you do. I need someone like you. I can't _not_ have you. Every time you smile at me it's a miracle, you know that? I never thought anybody would ever smile at me like that. You make me fall in love with you every time I see you. How do you do that? How do you keep making me fall even more in love with you?"

Her lips parted slightly, and her eyelids fluttered. A soft groan dropped from her lips.

And then her eyes, those lovely eyes, more warm and golden than the sun, opened. The sight was more precious to him than any possession he'd ever owned, anything he'd ever wanted in his life.

"Ludwig?" she asked. Then she winced. "Ow. I hurt all over."

Ludwig was still crying and he didn't even care. Relief so great he could hardly stand it burst through every fiber of his being. "Feli! You're awake! You're awake."

"Don't cry!" she begged, touching his cheek and smoothing away his tears. "Please, don't cry."

"Feli, I love you," he said, catching her hand and kissing it desperately. "Don't ever scare me like that again, you hear? _Gott_, Feli, you had me so worried!"

She smiled, weakly but with pure joy. "I promise, ve~!" She was still weak, but she stroked the thumb of the hand he was still kissing across his lips. "You love me? Do you mean it?"

He kissed her fingers again. "With all my heart, Feliciana, I love you."

"I love you too, Ludwig." Blinking sleepily, she leaned her head against the pillow. "I love you so much…"

"I won't let you die," he vowed, brushing his fingers through her hair. "Even if I have to drag you back you're going to stay with me, understand?"

Her fingers were warmer now, now that she was safe. Color was beginning to come back to her cheeks, and her eyes were full of their usual light.

"Always," she promised, nodding. "We'll always be together, Ludwig."

"Always is a long time," he reminded her. "But if it's with you… I think that would make me very happy."

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><p><strong>AN: Short and sweet and full of OOC Germany! But whatever, I'm willing to sacrifice ICness for a cute oneshot. I try to stay in character for my longer fics, but this one I thought it would be okay to make an exception for :3 Hope you liked it! Please leave me a review and tell me what you think :)<strong>


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